Sajha.com

hah!couldnt think of a better "headline" :oS...i mean come to think of it..its actually meaningful?say it is so!:o( hehe ...i mean just think of it.."there he pooots again"(which shud be noted how inconsequental and lame it might sound..that it is actually happenin!hehe)the metaphoric value it might have!!!;oP hehe..

i mean u know u do it too!!dun u?smtimes loudly!smtimes quietly?yes those silent killers!:o| deadly arent they!!:o| hehe...anyways good for me im experiencin pretty louds one..if u not im sure u could imagine how much torture i might be tolerating to sit and type here?and that too for wat?;oP hehe

well just felt like i needed to type(which if anyone wanna jot down..anyone?;oP hehe...i do feel like i need to type nearly everyday!:o) hehe but of cos i dun really let meself do that do i?not as much i would love to..feel like i need to?tryn to control and feeln one does manage to some level just feels so refreshing!:oD hehe)...must be the time..must the things thats happenin around..must be well..enuf of that shiit?hehe..

seriously we always want to have explanations for everything?(btw i just heard me housemate eatin his late supper..hah!im gettn nervous!!i really dun like the feelns i feel..knowin they do point out to me that i do seem to be able to type a lot of things..basically just one of the many things i do that is waste of time?hehe...and also..well the sight of me doin smthin related to 'sajha'..they just cant well..u know understand?;oP hehe..dunno how they would have reacted when i really used to let meself type and hang around a lot here ..back then?hehe..

*pooot* hah(im gonna type that as it happens!;oP hehe)

but yeah i try to focus for now..tho i just feel a bit awkward knowin me housemate might just come up here hearin me typin..and givin me that look ..u know that look..when they see me typin..and eureka!in SAJHA!;oP hehe...urghh :oS...

but yeah guess feelns and things does build up on us..smtimes we dun realise?and i guess for now i def need to get things out..guess its kinda true?(if u see it from me way)..that if a person is happy..he/she wont really be typin/writing?esp about things that doesnt mean anything?...well thats how adrian mole finished up his diaries..he stopped writing..cos he went to concentrate of fixing the things in his life he needed to do..writing his diary just made him feel better..and run away from his problems?not facing them?but when he started facing them and started workn them out..he stopped writing?(of cos sue townsend had to give a good reason why there wont be any more diaries about adrian mole hehe..she wanted to end it cos she wasnt sure how long her health will last ..and how long she can go..guess she did wanted to give it an end..a closure?cos we always long for a closure dun we?..hopefully shes feeln quite well..cant believe she actually went blind..a person who has such a talent..who u know just could do so much things while havin her eyes..so much more things that most of us ever could do how much we tried?..but hey smtimes we cant choose can we?actually can we choose most of the times?hehe..dun have as much choices as we would like?hehe)

*poooot*...*pooooooooot* hah!that was a short and then a really long one :o| hehe...

i guess i always felt it..when i realised i can actually type too much bhakwash..and can just carry on and on..(if i wanted to?if i let meself to?)that i really wanted to be able to stop..stop once and for all..cos if i be able to do that..i just be able to do other things..things well that im not sure wat they might be..but def be more busy in things..may be get more focused..oh wat i want to do..u know aims and such etc...but for now..lets see..if adrian has stopped!i guess i can try!he ispires me!;oP hehe...guess some of meself in his character..of being thick and dreamin a bit too much hehe..of cos always realised some of those things..but seeing an example..well feels a bit better not to feel so alone re kya ;oP hehe..hah!salla narcist!(telln meself hehe)

but yeah actually needed to get this news out..hah!news?im hopin no one reads this..i dun really wanna type in a private blog..dun wanna get into that habit again..and of cos im scared of being too public?i mean never liked too much crowd :oD...but yeah..i guess i didnt know what to think..when my fren called me downstairs..thot he wanted help him..since he had volunteered to cook..

but he had some other thing to share..one dai had just called him to let him know some news..not good news..another dai..tht we grew up with durin our childhood..well he had passed away few days ago...in anothr country...and well not any accident etc..which was totally unexpected by anyone!and to think he was only like 3-4 yrs older than me!!and he had such an infectious laughter and all!and i didnt really used to call him dai..when i used to hang out..well just call his name...not that a close fren(cos duh!i was a kid!;oP hehe)..but then again...felt close enuf to not really call him a dai(i find calln someone dai a bit too formal!yes im wrong most prob!but i only call someone a dai..when i really dunno the person!or errr..if i really know him too well and respect him as a dai?and not as fren?;oP hehe)...well when i heard it from my fren....dun think i really felt anythin..im still hopin im stilld dreamin..and when i wake up..it was just a dream...

*poooooot* *pooooot* *pooot* *poot* *poot* hehe..and its startin to smell!:o| hehe..

right now..in this mood..i just cant stop thinkin the last time we had some contact..me was stressed as i always am?:oS hehe...and wat do u know..i get this hi5 mssg in my email..and the dai had sent me a mssg..so went to read wat he had left me..and guess wat?hah!(havent really conversed with him that much..well i dun think i shown him me irritating ways in writing hehe..like right now?hehe)..anyways he had left a mssg sayn...are u "anonymous' in sajha? and some other stuffs...and i was like wtf!:o| he goes to sajha too!and how the hell did he figure it out?:o| i mean i didnt write much to him few mths back..and im sure i was as formal as i can be ;oP....

kinda was shocked..but in some ways..i guess i was feeln happy..cos he did "notice" me!not cos i wanted to be noticed?but he just did!(lets not get into the part if he noticed the irritating part of me hehe)u know wat im tryn to say?i really dun wanna say some kinda words..i feel it might sound too lame..i find it pretty amusing when i feel wat i said was lame..and someone else actually compliments me for tht?:oS..its just bloody words bhaney!!!!!!

anyways u wanna know smthin else?(not like i care if u wanna know!as tho i believe anyone when they say they wanna know from me!;oP hehe)i guess i hate this thing about me...hate it so bad..tho sometimes i realise i actually like this thing about me too(no wonder they say hate and love is separated by a really thin line?)...the thing that..i actually still seem to be grinnin or seeing some funny side in things we shudnt be grinnin about?esp not so good news?...yap i do long for that moment when i meself will say yes!im being serious!and i can be serious!u know totally serious!!!!

anyways yeah think im feeln some seriousness now hehe..cos i just wanna keep quiet!(sleep has been lost!and to think i need to wake up in another 5 hrs time?:o| and was feeln so sleepy the whole evenin cos of the lack of sleep yest?:oS)but yeah funny how much we really take things for granted..and always will take things for granted?but i guess thats how we are...if we didnt take things for granted..well when and if we lose it..we wont feel so much loss if we hadnt taken it for granted in the 1st place?

me own worries feels so inconsequential right now...i mean they are still in me mind..but i dunno..im not really worryn much about them right now..i cant stop feeln and thinkin that if i worry bout them right now..i actually will start to feel guilty for actually worryn about them!cos yeah!wat about the the dai who wont be around!well not around for those whom he mattered!hah!wat about the thousands others who just deceased today!which wasnt expected by their loved ones?hah!!!ok enuf of thinkn!!!!

goodnight!!!!!!
and yeah!im not happy!and i dun think i will ever be!or want to be!but wat im pissed about..and really hate about meself is fukkkkk!!!i seem to try and be satisfied!!call it subconciously!!or conciously!!!but i just cant stop to feel so much at peace smtimes..tho of cos there be times when hell breaks loose!!!!!hehe...but yeah!i will try not to be satisfied!!not to easily!!!!hopefully!!!wish me good luck!!!:oD

and good luck to you all!:oD
(achi janey maan pani harayo!!!pooot pani harayo!!!phet pani at peace now!darn this mind over matter!!!!had been waitin to see when will i go to the achiroom!!cos i feel so much at peace there!hehe)


_____________________________________________________(the space is for all the things i really wanted to type..cos duh!wanna let them out!!!but i wont cos lack of time and of cos i wont let meself ;oP hehe...and yeah just cos the blank space looks short..use ur imagination!!!microscopic letters!!!hehe)

*gone to sleep...but im sure i will wake up in the middle of the night to finish wat i pooted wahahahah ;oP and good luck again!u survivor!;o) hehe*

   [ posted by anonymous @ 12:41 PM ] | Viewed: 1607 times [ Feedback]

hehe..

ok enuf yappin..more than enuf?;oP hehe

dun be spooked!there is always smthin weirder/freakier out there(consolin meself? ;oP hehe)

anyways time to give the black widow a proper burial? :oS..i mean instead throwin it into the rubbish bin!throw it into the garden!and let it decompose back to mother earth!(i mean why let it go thru the long path?thru the bin to the dumptruck and then onto the dumping ground..back to earth?or shud i cremate it?let it go back to the air?they do burn rubbish they collect too dun they?;oP ) yeah im that free? :oS hehe

dun let the sun down on me..
altho i search myself..its someone else i see..
i just allow a fragment of ur life to wander free..
but losin everythn is like the sun goin down on me...


good day!:oD

ps the dark clouds are hovering away ;o) hehe..hopefully the sun will come back tho its still cloudy :oS

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   [ posted by anonymous @ 09:13 PM ] | Viewed: 1370 times [ Feedback]

hehe..

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   [ posted by anonymous @ 08:49 AM ] | Viewed: 1471 times [ Feedback]

oh well it grows into u i guess..esp when u stay in a place..or have someone around u.. for a while?

and ukraine hits the cross bar :oS..yeah seems like its the azzuris night..

but yeah funny aint it?given enuf time..like it or not..we do get attached to ppl or places..or anythin for that matter?..i mean it might mean we might really dislike smthin..or like it?..or both?the gray area?..

i really find it hard to throw away things..but well one thing i been for a while now..is kinda like a nomad?(arent we all?)..we cant take everythin we get in a diff place..experiences..and of cos 'logic' tells that to us?..yet why is it so hard to throw away some things?esp from the deep past!and isnt it said..in time we will get over smthin?well to some point that it doesnt hurt?..not that im hurtin hehe..im talkin more in terms of..u know frens..good frens that have come in me life..played a big part in shapin me and me being who i am right now..who still makes me wanna try be smthin nice..tho how i will be?only time will tell?and yeah..tho i might be pretty shiit now(and frens might not really be too happy thinkin they played a part in me being the way who i am now?;oP hehe)..the point is..well..they(those memories) makes me think positive..as in u know..i feel its more positive and negative..arent we all glad of the memories we have?..and when in time..funnily..we do seem to remember only the good feelns..hurt only comes when we miss that good old days?..well i like to be believe so..i mean there were some incidents in the past..smthings happened..and it didnt feel good.thats why me and those frens of mine..we aint in contact anymore..but i seriously cant feel or remember the feeln of being hurt by those incidents..all that comes..is the good feelns of havin them around then..im sure i aint the only one who feels this way?am i?:oS hehe

anyways let me not hog the 'bathroom' hehe..i think i been here for a while..and u shud see how me frens gives me the 'eye' when i stay in a bathroom for a while wahahaha...but yeah i guess..i just love being there :oD..its peaceful :oD...but not so peaceful when someone else knocks!!or someone is waitin outside to use it!!!arghhhhh!!!freakn rush!!!all me peace is gone when that freakn rush comes!!

still need to shiiit..i think..i mean there are things i wanna get it out of me..have been thinkin for a while now(and oh these days i do like to believe i let meself think when im doin nothn!when i need a rest!!!but yeah smtimes when u need to shiit/think..it just happens..how much u try to control?:oS hehe)

but yeah..a close fren of mine..(well 4 yrs pf spendin time with him ..esp when u come into a strange land..and dunno anyone..)just left yest..met up yest..had a drink and a real good chat..and funny..whenever we are about to say bye..when we know we have to say bye..all the good thots..good feelns comes?..well had watched the dvd 'actually love'(errr is that the title?hehe) few days ago..and believe me..i left that for the last!!not cos savin the best for the last!!had wanted to watch all the dvds that another fren had..before he too left(and yes he left yest too..to another state..tho cant really say he is a good fren..as in close..duh!cant get close with all can we?;oP hehe..but he is one of those nice ppl around..kinda had good times when he was around..)

anyways where was i?;oP hehe..oh yah..the movie..hehe..the way it started..well watch it!!i dunno how to explain!!but i guess it made me think..cos its kinda true aint it?when we know the end is loomin..what comes in our mind and thots?only good thots..of ppl we love?that made us feel loved?..etc?..hatred and other things is the last thing in our mind?tho of cos if frustration comes ..its cos the end is loomin?and that meanst..we be separated from the things and ppl we love?...


anyways...well he left..and we dun even know if we will ever get to meet..but we both know we will try?..if we get the chance..that is if we dun change too drastically :oS...but yeah..u can say...that was a moment with him..that well..made me feel a lot better..cos yeah i have frustrated him too many times..and he has done the same to me tho of cos i like to believe im the one who gives more frustration :oS..me frens can vouch for that..ask them ;oP hehe but yeah..in the end..he said smthings..(which i wont share..duh! ;oP hehe..i dun wanna show me already big..and now extra swollen nhaak wahahah ;oP hehe)..well which made me feel..he did know..those frustrations he got from me..i didnt really mean to frustrate him..and yap in the end..it feels good to know i do care for him..and he cares for me too :oD..dyam doesnt it feel good to be cared?and knowin u r cared?;oP hehe..anyways he has motivated me to do smthings..so i better be doin those things asap!:@...

for now..i think i shudnt indulge meself shittin here hehe..feeln a bit weird thinkin ppl will get ewwwy with me shiits here..but duh!dun we all shiit?;oP hehe..

and yeah..next time i try to shiit..privately!!!;oP hehe..where less ppl knows thats me 'shiit'?;oP hehe...

but one thing which made me feel good..i guesss..he made me realise..he does consider me a good fren..like i feel the same way ...seen and experienced too many times..havin good frens goin away..separating..and us all changin..but life goes on eh?..as they say..dun sulk for wats gone...rejoice that it happened!!!...the good old days!!woohoooo!!:oD hehe..hah arent we scared of gettn attached?esp when nothn is forever?..but then again dun we long for that?wahahahaa...i dunno!!


and better be off before im late again!!wahahaahahah ;oP im telln u!!someone invent a thot machine!!(im too incapable for that :oS..duh!!im not being pessimistic!!im being realistic!!!!ok ok i shud give it a try shudnt i?cos in the end..when one tries their best..and it aint good enuf..its kinda frustrating..but knowin one tried..against all odds/doubts/pessimism?..well the tryn feeln makes u feel lik a winner doesnt it ;o)..dun ask me!!try!!and find out!!!while i try to do the same?re kya ;o) hehe)and im askn/pleadin here ;o)..so yeah!!thot machine pls!!!typin out thots is just so hard :oS..hehe

happy shiitin ppl!:oD..

and good luck there!:oD...and good luck to me too hehe..duh!;oP..can we humans ever stop thinkin about ourselves 1st?;oP hehe..

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   [ posted by anonymous @ 04:04 PM ] | Viewed: 1385 times [ Feedback]

hehe

good evenin!:oD hope i can read those posts/articles later!!yes it feels good to have hope!!WOOHOOOOO!!!:oD hehe

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   [ posted by anonymous @ 03:57 AM ] | Viewed: 1523 times [ Feedback]